


Daft Life

by Doeeyedmisfit



Series: JaemJen Werewolf au [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alpha Na Jaemin, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Fools in Love, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Jealousy, Light Angst, M/M, Omega Lee Jeno, arguments/fights, jaeyong happens for a minute, territorial couples
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:40:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25554466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doeeyedmisfit/pseuds/Doeeyedmisfit
Summary: The thing about Jaemin, Jeno thinks, is that the alpha's completely aware of how attractive he is –or at least, knows how attractive he has become.The thing about Jeno, Jaemin thinks, is that the omega’s painfully oblivious to how people look at him. More appropriately put, ogle him, eat him up with their lecherous stares alone.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Series: JaemJen Werewolf au [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1840981
Comments: 20
Kudos: 182





	1. Cause you are made of doubts

**Author's Note:**

> so this is part of the series, but it's from around the time they first got together!! they're like 19-ish over here :))
> 
> lots of doubts and insecurities and the product that comes from such emotions
> 
> they're childish to some extent, which is why there is a lot of misplaced jealousy and possessiveness!!
> 
> plus they're wolves so, being territorial is a wolf thing -at least in this verse it is :)

_Time is chasing down my disguise_  
_Of playing to know it all_  
_When what’s real is I know none_

The thing about Jaemin, Jeno thinks, is that the alpha's completely aware of how attractive he is –or at least, knows how attractive he has become.

Puberty hit him like a train and left a handsome young alpha with pretty eyes and a devilish grin.

Jeno knows Jaemin is aware of his good looks, heck he’s probably half the reason why the alpha has a self-esteem made of steel. Jeno’s more than happy that the alpha he’s claimed is confident, even if sometimes it’s misplaced and out of stupidity.

The issue is that aside from Jeno and Jaemin, the entire student body also acknowledges Jaemin’s stellar physical attributes and gravitate towards him like bees to honey. And Jeno has acquired, through many irritating observations, that Jaemin loves soaking in the newfound attention.

However, what Jaemin does not see, or even ignores –suspects Jeno, is the fact that the alpha’s claimed omega does not share his enthusiasm towards this attention. Whenever Jeno notices Jaemin, during his walk from one end of the campus to another, the boy is surrounded by omegas and even betas –both girls _and_ boys.

It infuriates him to no end.

What is note worthy though, and something Jeno has to constantly remind himself of, is that he isn’t an impulsive –easy to anger person. Jeno is as calm and collected as one can get.

Although ever since he and Jaemin decided that they were more than ‘just friends’ and laid claim on one another, he’s noticed that he’s become awfully territorial and borderline temperamental over the alpha.

Especially when it comes to _sharing_ the man.

It's as if the omega in him raises its hackles and starts prowling restlessly, snarling at every over-friendly or flirty glance thrown the alpha’s way.

He knows it’s jealousy and possessiveness -both emotions deeply rooted within their kind. But It’s a mixture of rage and anxiety that often has Jeno rushing towards the alpha, trying to wedge himself between his claim and whoever the omega feels threatened by.

The anxiety mostly comes from acknowledging their beginning.

Jeno and Jaemin have been attached at the hip since grade school. Knowing one another for that long, being as close as they are; there is a possibility that they misread their feelings.

What if there’s a better omega out there for Jaemin, and Jeno has kept him from having that. Even the _thought_ of Jaemin with someone other than himself has his omega howling in despair.

What if the alpha is with him out of convenience? If anyone knows how lazy Jaemin is, it’s Jeno. There are very few things the alpha willingly puts effort into, often searching for an easy way out. What if Jeno was the easiest option?

It doesn’t feel good to constantly anticipate the moment the one you love will leave you for someone better.

It’s only been a little over six months since they decided to take their relationship to another level; they’ve only claimed each other so far. Jeno knows for himself that its’ Jaemin till the end, no matter how childish and impulsive it may sound.

But Jeno doesn’t know what he is for Jaemin. What if the alpha mistook platonic love for romantic love -Jaemin did respond to his confession saying “I don’t think I could bear seeing you with an alpha other than me”.

Jaemin has always found difficulty in adapting to change, and of course if either of them had gotten a mate, it would alter their friendship to some degreee no matter how little.

Maybe Jaemin couldn’t deal with the thought of Jeno choosing to spend time with another alpha over him, skipping their friday movie nights because he has a date with someone –or something equally stupid.

What if he’s confusing _being possessive over a best friend_ with _having romantic feelings for them_?

Jeno knows he sounds like a broken record, and he tells himself that at least twice a day.

But these thoughts are inevitable in his situation. Even more so when his goddamn alpha –or at least the alpha he has claimed for himself, is so _so_ flirty.

This isn’t news to Jeno. Jaemin has always been this way –since kindergarten from what he can remember. As a toddler he went around handing flowers to teachers and sharing his lunch with anyone his innocent mind found nice or pretty.

It began with Jeno and gradually reached other friends of his and sometimes even strangers.

Before, it never bothered him, Jeno actually used to find it hilarious and quite entertaining. But now it’s a pain to watch and sometimes he _very_ aggressively wants to rant or scream into his pillow (or maybe it’s just a sign his heat is near).

The Jeno now, _despises_ how flirty Jaemin is because this treatment is extended to people that are not Jeno.

Something his omega is finding difficulty in tolerating.

But one thing Jeno is thankful of, is that, where he may be crazily insecure and probably psycho for being so territorial over someone who isn’t even officially his mate –Jeno at least isn’t meek and doesn’t sit back watching his alpha be smothered by – _pests_ –as nicely as he can put it.

If random omegas and beta’s can put their claws on his alpha just because they’re friends or acquaintances with the boy. Then Jeno –claimed by said alpha, has all the right to shove himself between them so Jaemin only sees him. So Jaemin is surrounded by his scent only, no one else’s.

And _that’s_ how he’s found to deal with this insecurity slash jealousy slash anxiety slash even more troubling and enraged emotions that flood him all at once at the mere sight of Jaemin and his group of fans.

It’s embarrassing for himself, Jeno has never been bold with showing his affection -especially in public. And when Jaemin looks at him with that slight smirk and knowing look in his eyes whenever he marches up into the alpha’s space after forcing himself through a circle of people, Jeno hates it even more.

While he hates it, its also the only way he has found that brings him some satisfaction. It only increases when Jaemin reciprocates his advances.

All this runs through his mind right now, as he watches from the sidelines the scenario he loathes the most. A bunch of giggly omegas are surrounding Jaemin and as always, the alpha seems to preen under the attention.

Jeno huffs, because despite the irritation, envy and rage, he also feels the way his affection for the other strengthens.

The most forward omega in the bunch happens to be one of the most courted omegas on their campus. Jeno’s eyes zero in on the hand she has curled around Jaemin’s bicep, and his insides begin to boil, dread and anger flooding him.

He wants her far away from his alpha, like possibly tossed onto another continent. All of them are laughing and giggling at something the girl says, the scene is downright revolting to Jeno.

His jaw is clenched, as are his fists, and if Jeno forgot to mention, he’s an angry crier, though he hasn’t instantly reached that point, but it is a possibility.

The three lectures he had back to back have drained him of both his brain cells and life-force, so already there was some instability to his mental and emotional state.

On top of that, all he had asked of Jaemin was to wait for him so they could walk back to their shared apartment together.

What Jeno anticipated to see after those rough five hours was his handsome alpha’s smile so he could gain some energy from the sight itself.

What does he get instead?

A hound of hormonal omegas leeching on his alpha.

It pisses him off, and seeing such a capable omega –the epitome of one, be a part of that herd, heightens the anxiety controlling his nerves.

It’s probably because he’s that worn out that he’s affected more than usual.

The normally mild ache is searing today and Jeno blanks out the second his own omega registers the other girl’s proximity to the alpha as invasive.

He knows he’s moving but the panic melding into rage blinds him enough to storm past all his obstacles till he’s pushed through the chortling group and onto his surprised alpha, who Jeno can only catch a glimpse of, the gorgeous features expressing surprise.

The impact he throws himself with worries him for a second, but Jaemin easily welcomes his weight, instantly holding him close by the waist. Jeno’s own arms latch around the alpha’s shoulders, blood rushing in his ears from the adrenaline pumping through him.

He registers a few scoffs and huffs but can barely pay them any mind when he realizes Jaemin’s gripping him just as strong if not stronger.

That sick twist in his gut is still there, he can sense that girl’s presence just a few feet from them, and Jeno doesn’t like it at all.

It makes him want to hide Jaemin and that too just unsettles him; he shouldn’t be thinking this way.

Jeno burrows himself further into Jaemin, hoping these people would just move away instead of standing there whispering. His omega hasn’t eased up even a bit, upset and needing to be soothed by the alpha.

Instinctively he buries his nose into the side of Jaemin’s neck, nuzzling his scent gland and turning his face to rub his cheek against it, almost purring as the smell of bittersweet coffee settles in his lungs.

The sound of Jaemin’s sharp inhale, his scent spiking abruptly, and his heartbeat quickening jolts Jeno awake from what he was doing.

His fists curl into Jaemin’s shirt over the alpha’s shoulder blades, and his cheek, scarlet red, is unmoving over his pulse point.

Jeno has hugged -very possessively may he add, Jaemin in these scenarios that he hates. However, he has never, _ever_ scented Jaemin in front of an audience. It’s no wonder even the alpha is frozen in his hold.

Jeno doesn’t know if it’s a good frozen or bad, and under the embarrassment of publicly scenting the alpha, he’s too scared to check.

His worries ease though the next second when Jaemin lowers his face into Jeno’s neck, a bit hesitant at first –this is new territory after all. _Hell,_ it wouldn’t be a territory to explore if Jeno hadn’t slipped in the first place.

But Jeno wants it nonetheless. The thought of Jaemin scenting him in front of strangers not causing him any discomfort.

Jeno holds his breath, a mixture of feelings from -the obvious embarrassment –to pride and contentment fluttering through him at the alpha’s reaction.

A shudder runs the length of his body when Jaemin gently noses at the spot under his ear and leaves a kiss there. Jeno only shifts closer to the warmth, his fists most likely permanently creasing the boy’s shirt.

The alpha separates them though and Jeno has to unfortunately leaves his current sanctuary. He can’t even find it in himself to lift his head, which he knows is something that unsettles Jaemin.

As expected, when Jeno still hasn’t met eyes with the slightly younger boy, Jaemin holds his face between his warm palms, and pulls his face upwards.

The omega in him instantly welcomes the intense attention Jaemin looks at him with, the alpha’s previous grin replaced with lines of worry.

His intention wasn’t to worry him, and now he’s gone and done just that because he’s a _lousy insecure overly possessive_ omega.

“Hey, _hey_ Jen, look at me babe, you okay?”

Jeno just nods, feeling just the slightest bit pathetic.

He must look so weak right now, a joke in front of all these onlookers.

Jaemin is obviously aware something is wrong because he _knows_ Jeno, which means he also knows that if the omega was in his right mind, he would never _ever_ scent the alpha in a public place.

Jeno always has a moment, when Jaemin asks him what’s wrong, to contemplate the consequences of being honest. A moment where he gets this urge to admit how jealous he feels, how scared he is that he’ll lose Jaemin to someone else, how he wishes to be more than just Jaemin’s claimed omega.

But he’s scared by the various possibilities of Jaemin’s response. That he may not like what he hears.

In the end, the moment always passes, and Jeno replaces his sincere doubts with believable lies.

He musters some courage and opens his mouth, staring intently at Jaemin and his frown, upset with himself for being the one to make the alpha’s smile disappear.

“It’s –been a long day, I just wanna go home jaeminie, sorry for - _you_ _know_ –that too in front of everyone.”

Jaemin’s hands still hold his face. Jeno flutters his eyes shut when the alpha’s thumb gently caresses over the mole atop his cheek. It’s a soothing, affectionate gesture and it provides Jeno with enough energy to open his eyes again and smile just the slightest bit at the alpha.

It prompts Jaemin to lift the corners of his mouth a tiny amount, still a bit solemn with worry, and he briefly kisses his forehead –something pure like unrestrained fondness settling in the omega’s tummy at the gesture.

He pulls away and takes Jeno’s bag from him, holding his hand.

Jeno lets him, too tired and embarrassed to argue with Jaemin on the spot.

He refuses to give others more glimpses into their relationship, he’s put up enough of a show for one day.

Jaemin, as usual, does the talking so they can take their leave.

“Alrighty friends, we’ll be leaving now, see you!”

The fury erupts again as a chorus of whines and rebuttals start and Jeno is _done_ –he has enough in him to raise his head, and silence the omegas with a glare as Jaemin walks ahead of him –uncaring, pulling him along by their linked hands.

Jeno can’t help but be petty, and fix the most popular of them a harder glare paired with a victorious smirk, as if saying _ha, take that bitch –stay away from **my** alpha_.

He hopes he got the message across.

Where this petty act pleases him, it also awakens his conscience and fills him with guilt. Jaemin and him aren’t even mated yet, isn’t it wrong of him to scare away potentially better omegas for the alpha.

These thoughts don’t always bother him so strongly. They have more good moments in their relationship than bad, and Jeno too enjoys being Jaemin’s boyfriend.

Which is where the problem sort of lies.

Jeno knows he’s in love with Jaemin, as his best friend and more. However, he isn’t sure whether the alpha is on the same page as him.

Every now and then these bothersome thoughts have days where they’re louder and more impacting than he appreciates.

Today just so happens to be one of those days and it truly sucks.

Especially with Jaemin tugging on his hand and trying to lighten Jeno’s sour mood, rattling off how they’ll order-in a feast and do whatever Jeno wants to do.

Th alpha is awfully sweet in offering things to him, but all Jeno wants from Jaemin is to be mated with him.

But does Jaemin even want that?

Jeno’s too afraid to find out.

\--

_Tell me what is in your head_  
_Enlighten me with some words_  
_Help me to help you out_

The thing about Jeno, Jaemin thinks, is that the omega’s painfully oblivious to how people look at him. More appropriately put, ogle him, eat him up with their lecherous stares alone.

Jaemin’s an alpha, something surprising to a bunch of people when he presented–except Jeno of course, _I knew you it!_ he had said, with that ever-present endearing smile.

While there are a lot of pros of being an alpha, ever since they entered university, Jaemin feels like he’s only been experiencing the cons.

Firstly –the least troubling of his troubles, he always has this hoard of people following him around, a bunch of omegas mostly.

At first, he isn’t going to lie, it was pretty flattering for himself, and also inflated his ego a bit. The fawning over him, the abundance of compliments, who doesn’t like to get complimented and that too for simply existing.

He never expected to be this in demand. However, when he already has an omega for himself –one he desperately hopes to mate, all these extra omegas just stink up his space.

Another con of being an alpha, the biggest one that trumps the rest, is having an omega that you’ve only laid claim on.

Jaemin and Jeno had gone from best friends to boyfriends during the summer after graduating high school. It was during that time that they had also laid claim on one another.

The difference between claiming someone and mating someone is that of a bite.

Mating is sealed with a bite which lasts a life time, and is done during sex in an aligned heat and rut cycle.

An omega’s heat will naturally trigger their alpha’s rut and vice versa –only if the two have been sexually active with _only_ each other for a significant amount of time.

It needs to be thoroughly planned and timed because heats and ruts only occur two to three times a year –making it all the more special.

As for claiming, it does not make wolves exclusive to one another.

It’s basically an auction; the best bidder takes the win. Claims give other alphas the liberty to court claimed omegas. And then the omega can choose the most suitable and capable alpha for themselves and mate with them if they wish.

Omega’s can pursue claimed alpha’s as well, but that isn’t something Jaemin bothers himself with because one –he’s an alpha which means his rivals are alphas, and two –Jaemin knows there isn’t a better omega than Jeno.

It's just a declaration that one wolf calls dibs on another. It gives room for fall outs, since mating only happens once; werewolves mate for an eternity.

Which is also why Jaemin is so eager to mate with Jeno; he doesn’t want to lose the precious omega to someone better and more able than him.

Yeah Jaemin knows he’s a catch, it’s difficult to think otherwise with the fanbase he’s collected. But just because he’s good, doesn’t mean there isn’t someone better out there.

And he dreads the day that someone sweeps in and takes the only omega he’s ever had eyes for.

On top of that, sometimes it feels like they went from best friends to lovers over a night.

How do they even know when the right time to mate is?

For strangers that become potential mates, they will spend a good few years getting to know each other.

But he and Jeno have known one another for more than a decade now; what do they do? What more could they possibly know? Jaemin thinks its _because_ they got to know one another that they fell in love. Do they just mate then?

Then he has his worries of whether Jeno would think they’re rushing into stuff.

Jaemin doubts his own thoughts most of the time only because he’s the impulsive one in the relationship. Jeno has always been his voice of reason, pulling him back and asking him to wait and think before acting.

Is this eagerness to mate and tie Jeno to himself out of his habitual impulsiveness?

What would Jeno even say? Jaemin’s afraid to ask, because if he gets rejected or told to wait, it’ll just confirm all of his anxieties.

And the alpha knows it wouldn’t be pretty; his anxiousness presents itself through anger and irritation, and the last thing he wants to do is show that to Jeno (even though he’s seen it plenty of times before).

It's even worse, also why it seems there’s more cons to being an alpha since he started university, because being an alpha means that he’s often within their company.

He’s forced at least a few times a day to suffer through conversations revolving around the most desired omegas on campus. Heck, he’s even in a few _alpha only_ group chats, and even in those the topic of omegas is the most discussed.

And in all of these conversations, Jeno’s name pops up at least a few hundred times.

The first few times it had happened, Jaemin instantly replied that he’s Jeno’s boyfriend and they’re exclusive to one another _so kindly shut the fuck up about my boyfriend._

To which he received numerous replies all reminding him that werewolves don’t care about boyfriends or whatever –that’s _human_ jargon.

It’s either claimed or mated, and Jeno is just claimed, meaning he’s open to a selection of potential mates.

The first time he got a response like this, it had angered him terribly. The rage was so much he was afraid he’d startle Jeno, so he left their apartment to go for a run and cool down.

A group of about six alphas were discussing how hot that one omega on the soccer team was. Especially during the time an alpha from a rival team had passed a snide remark about the omega, and in retaliation, said omega had constantly stolen the ball from that alpha throughout the game.

Jaemin wasn’t stupid, he knew who they were talking about.

The love of his life’s passive aggressiveness is a force to be reckoned with.

Plus, Jeno had told him the entire story a few days prior, seated on their kitchen counter while Jaemin whipped up some food for them.

Jaemin didn’t speak up just then, to inform them that the omega they were drooling over was his, because he understands where these _mutts_ are coming from.

An omega that stands up for themselves isn’t completely rare, but a typical omega always seeks out an alpha to help them in times of need. So when an omega displays the opposite of that –it’s intriguing and more than often not, has an alpha’s blood shooting south.

But what made him tell them to back off was what that one classmate of his – _Donghyuck_ –sent.

The boy’s message read –accompanied by a few droplet emojis _“yeah I agree he’s great at playing, but let’s face it, we all go to see him run around in those tight shorts, his fucking legs -you guys know what I’m talking about right?”_

Jaemin can remember clear as day how guttural his growl had sounded, disgruntled at hearing those animals speak of Jeno as if he was a _thing_.

And then he’d mentioned that was _his_ boyfriend they were talking about and gotten shot down immediately.

The second time, and the times that followed up until now, along with the rage, Jaemin feels unsettled –restless, as if he’ll blink and that one person he holds dear to his heart will slip through his fingers.

Now it’s mostly fear tightly wound around a bolt of fury, and a wavering resolve to give Jeno up if the omega finds someone better than him.

This distress prompted him to watch over Jeno like a hawk –as subtly as he could, without trying to become an overbearing alpha and make Jeno uncomfortable.

So, he offered to pick Jeno up from his classes, complaining about how lonely it gets walking home without him.

After the omega’s games, while he waits outside the locker room amongst a few alphas he knows want to talk to Jeno, he’s sure to yell out his boyfriend’s name loud enough so Jeno can get to him instantly without any distractions.

Jaemin sometimes wonders if his desperation and unease are apparent in his voice when he calls out to him, because waiting amongst others that could possibly be better than him, it’s all he feels.

He doesn’t _want_ reassurance that Jeno sees him and only him –he _needs_ it.

It helps that Jeno always eagerly walks into his arms, since all the omega wants after his games is to go home and pass out in bed.

Even though he thinks this way, Jaemin knows that if it ever came down to giving up, he wouldn’t let Jeno go without a fight.

If anything, Jaemin is as stubborn as they come, and only if Jeno tells Jaemin himself that he loves him a little less than he does another alpha, will he back away silently.

But if it’s some random delusional alpha forcing himself on Jeno, then he’ll have hell to pay.

However, the fear of losing Jeno only claws at him when he’s alone and doesn’t have the omega near him to play as a distraction.

On most days he doesn’t let these thoughts bother him. How can he when Jeno smiles at him like he hung the stars and the moon.

Those moments remind Jaemin that it was the omega who had confessed first and asked if the alpha felt the same –however timidly the confession was made after two entire weeks of avoiding Jaemin.

On top of that, the fiasco that took place a few days ago, when Jeno nearly gave him a heart attack with that scenting session in public.

The most the omega ever does is link their arms together or hug him. He can’t even remember if Jeno’s kissed him in front of people because of how bashful he is when it comes to being affectionate in the company of an audience.

Jaemin doesn’t mind it at all though, he does more than enough for the both of them anyways.

So, when Jeno charged at him, visibly upset in that long glance he soaked up, and proceeded to latch onto Jaemin, rubbing his cheek against his scent gland -Jaemin froze.

The alpha was shocked –more or less, but was he happy –he was fucking ecstatic, did he want to gather Jeno in his arms and kiss the living daylights out of him –a hundred yes’.

Was he worried though? Much more than he was elated.

Even now, he doesn’t know what had the omega bothered enough for him to scent him on instinct.

Scenting to werewolves is like the most vanilla form of sex without actually putting anything in.

And what Jeno had said –something about being tired or whatever –yeah Jaemin can confidently call bullshit on that.

He’s known Jeno the longest he’s known someone outside his immediate family –he _knows_ Jeno, inside out.

The omega will have to put more effort into lying if he wants to be believable.

Even then Jaemin’s sure he’ll see right through it.

That day, instead of pressing the issue, Jaemin spent time cuddling and scenting Jeno, laying in his bed.

Of course, after feeding the omega the take-out feast he promised.

He only let Jeno go once his scent had lost its sourness and returned to the delectable honey sweetness it naturally is. After that Jeno didn’t mention anything, smiling as he usually would. The only slightly out of character thing he did, was something he _didn’t_ do.

Jaemin, without exception, always gets kicked out of Jeno’s room when he wants to study.

According to the omega, Jaemin thinks with his dick when Jeno replaces his contacts for glasses, and then he never gets to finish his work which leads to rearranging his entire study schedule.

So Jaemin has been banned from interrupting Jeno’s studying hours.

But that day, Jeno didn’t kick him out, instead the omega had gone around his room, gathering his books and stationery and brought them back to his bed.

He was avoiding eye contact with Jaemin on purpose (he knows this cause Jeno’s brows were furrowed) –something that was awfully endearing, and while doing so, held open Jaemin’s arm and plopped into his side, wordlessly fitting himself against the alpha.

It confused him to no extent, adding more questions to his growing worry.

He tried rationalizing it as a symptom of Jeno’s heat, despite knowing completely what Jeno’s heat symptoms are –and it wasn’t this.

But whatever reasons his mind came up with, he knew on his part, he was uselessly fumbling for possible answers just to curb his own anxiety.

Because if something is actually wrong, then his thoughts that make Jeno appear miles away from him would have something new to feed on and torment him with.

So Jaemin had sat there, holding _his_ omega, watching over his shoulder as he worked quietly.

The sound of lead against paper filling the silence.


	2. Can I sing this to you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaemin needs his space. 
> 
> He needs to calm down before the cap twists open and the force of his anger tears them to pieces.
> 
> Leaves them battered and bruised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay this has taken me much toooooooooooo long to write, it's been a while since i did angst so my brain is pretty fried now
> 
> i hope it has some emotional angsty weight to it, cause i've stared at it for so long now that i feel absolutely nothing when i read it lolol 
> 
> but yeah, umm so again the tags apply
> 
> the word 'whore' is used as an insult so just a warning for that if it makes anyone uncomfortable!! 
> 
> ohh and yeah there will be a third chapter just cause i found it a bit unsuitable to jump into a lighthearted/crack-ish part after this heavy stuff in one chapter itself, so i will separate the two!! yups
> 
> thats all!!

_This is a love song, real love_

He taps his fingers against the material of his jeans in tandem to the erratic beat of his heart.

Cars speed by them, or they speed by cars, it’s all a blur, he can’t exactly tell.

He feels somewhat numb, a little scared to look away from the window towards the man sitting at the wheel.

Jeno doesn’t really know him. Doesn’t know if he wants to.

Radio silence covers the air between them, so dense he can almost feel its sharp claws dig into his skin and pin him to the leather seat.

What even happened?

What went wrong?

What’s wrong with Jaemin?

Initially, the day started out well, and up until evening, it stayed as such.

Then, Jeno isn’t too sure what happened, they were out with his brother, enjoying a really good meal, just having some fun.

On top of that, his hyung’s childhood best friend, Doyoung hyung, had surprised him by tagging along, only making his smile wider.

Yeah Jaemin had been uncharacteristically quiet, but Jeno knows that when there’s someone else making noise, the alpha prefers to just listen.

Only mildly concerned, Jeno hadn’t thought too much about it and focused his attention on Doyoung who matched his own excitement at seeing the other after so long.

Doyoung has always been a precious hyung to Jeno. He remembers walking between Taeyong and Doyoung, his hands in theirs, being swung every other step the entire journey to his kindergarten classroom.

It was their duty to drop him off, and pick him up at the end of the day. And because toddler Jeno was completely wrung out of energy by the afternoon, his Doyoung hyung always offered him a piggyback ride –something Jeno recalls as being the favorite part of his four-year old self’s day.

During hot sweltering summers, when the sun would mercilessly keep them under its spotlight, they’d stop by the corner shop and buy popsicles with Taeyong’s allowance.

Jeno would always make a mess out of his, a good portion of the icicle smeared around his mouth, sometimes on the tip of his nose, and over his chubby little fingers.

The two hyungs would then fuss over him, gently chiding him to not get distracted and eat before the ice cream melts, one busy wiping his hands clean while the other dealt with his face.

There’s a bunch of memories stored away in his mind in like to these. Jeno knew Jaemin then as well, but Jeno remembers the small boy as a restless butterfly, fluttering from one person to the next, never resting.

The boy was everyone’s best friend, even shy little Jeno’s.

Jaemin and Jeno happen like this.

On the first day of kindergarten, Jeno had clung to their teacher’s side, reluctant to free the hem of her apron from the death grip his tiny little fists had on it.

As a child, Jeno also found difficulty in conversating with older humans, but the only reason why he was comfortable with this adult was because she just so happened to be his aunt, his mother’s younger sister.

Jeno hadn’t noticed it then, impossible for him to do so with his eyes glued to his sky-blue colored sneakers, but a boy had his curious eyes set on him.

Jaemin told him years later, in surprising detail, how he wondered why the boy with a _winnie the pooh_ backpack, was trying to disappear behind their teacher.

When his aunt’s hushed pleas of _Jeno-yah, baby you have to go sit in your own seat_ , fell on deaf ears, the desperate woman had searched around the room for their class’ chatterbox, and called him over.

The boy had an awful –yet endearing bowl cut that ended a good inch over his eyebrows, and with a smile as bright as the fluorescent lights on the ceiling, Jaemin had extended his small grubby hand towards Jeno and yanked him towards the colorful round table by his wrist.

Jeno would like to say that, _that_ point of contact had been the start of their long-lasting friendship, but it wasn’t.

 _That_ had ended with Jeno wailing at the top of his lungs, startling the boy pulling him, pressing play to his water works as well.

Simply put, it was a mess.

But later in the day, during recess, when Jeno was sat in one corner of the sandbox entertaining himself with his sailor moon figurine, his sight was assaulted by a vibrant yellow, startling him backwards off his knees and onto his butt.

The boy from earlier stood there, frowning down at Jeno, his hand strained towards him, curled over uneven stems of dandelions. With all the weight of his small lungs, he’d yelled at Jeno _sorry for making you cry but you really have to be my friend!_

Jeno doesn’t remember if he responded with anything, or if the yelling had startled his young self some more, but after that blurry film, his mind is a box of pictures in which Jaemin is either beside him or somewhere in the background.

Jaemin knows of Doyoung, but not necessarily Doyoung himself. The elder had moved away by the time Jaemin became a regular presence at the Lee household. The weekends Doyoung paid visits were few, and often meeting with just his brother at the movies or a PC-bang.

Jeno barely saw the elder, managing to live through his entire middle school without meeting him.

After that duration, the next time Jeno stumbled across Doyoung was when the elder presented as an alpha and came to rub it in Taeyong’s face who relentlessly assumed he’d be a beta.

Jeno had to cancel his plans with Jaemin that day, telling him why he couldn’t go to the frozen yogurt place they religiously graced their presence with every Friday evening.

Despite both Jaemin and Doyoung being significant people in his life, not once had they crossed paths.

So, it’s safe to say when Doyoung surprised him at the restaurant, sneaking up to him and squeezing him around the shoulders simultaneously abusing his ear drums with a cheerful exclaim of his name, Jeno responded with matched enthusiasm.

He hugged the living daylights out of the man, expressing just how much he’s been missed through the strong grip, and then finally got to introduce Jaemin –his boyfriend, to the elder.

Jeno thinks now, far away from the restaurant, that he should have noticed something wrong with Jaemin at that moment. The tight-lipped smile, hunched posture, and the odd dull quality to the brightest pair of eyes he’s ever seen; he shouldn’t have dismissed it as the alpha being tired.

So Jeno had tried his best to fill in for Jaemin’s lack of – _anything_ to be honest. The man sat their quietly, becoming one with the background noise, his presence akin to a ghost.

Jeno made sure to keep Doyoung engaged with himself so his boyfriend could have some space.

However, as the dinner progressed, halfway into their meal, Jaemin’s pheromones and bitter scent steadily blanketed the air around him.

The others didn’t notice any shift.

But for Jeno it was different He was more receptive and familiar to the scent and its’ various personalities.

He didn’t spare a second to ask Jaemin if he was alright, but the alpha just shook his lowered head –gaze stuck to his plate like chewed gum, and mumbled a stilted _“just tired”_.

Jeno isn’t stupid, the air around Jaemin doesn’t carry the stench of rotting coffee beans when he’s tired, in fact, Jeno has barely met this scent.

He has caught wafts of it a few times here and there, but it’s always gone as fast as it appears.

At that moment however, Jeno couldn’t shrug it off as Jaemin’s jam-packed schedule taking a toll on him.

There was something else, and he couldn’t torture the alpha by dragging him through the dinner. Gratefully his brother had caught sight of the hushed exchange while the other two adults were engaged in a conversation of their own.

Then it was a flurry of taking Jaemin’s cold hand in his, saying their abrupt goodbyes with the excuse that Jaemin isn’t feeling too well, and getting the hell out of there.

Jeno tried to claim the spot as their designated driver, since he had zero insight to what was agitating the alpha to this extent, but Jaemin had shut him up, spitting an _“I’m driving”_ through his clenched teeth.

The current like tone stunned him into silence, never had Jaemin spoken to him this way. He’s never heard him sound like this.

This version is nothing but a stranger to Jeno and he has no manual to guide him through the what’s and how’s of dealing with him.

This is where he is now, sitting with a Jaemin he does not know, in a silence he has never heard.

Jaemin’s presence has stolen his breath many a times, but never has it suffocated him.

_I'll hate myself for days love_

Embarrassment. Confusion. Regret. Anger. Jealousy.

They weave together, embarrassment pulling its string through a loop of jealousy –confusion, anger, and regret tugging at it till it’s tied into a knot so tight only the sharp blade of a knife could cut it loose.

The process repeats without rest, and pretty soon his mind has knitted his thoughts into an intricate noose that adorns his neck with the intent to choke and rule over his tongue.

If he speaks, his words will only harm.

They already have.

Never.

 _Never_ has Jeno’s scent turned mute. Which can only mean one of two things, Jaemin has gone deaf, or Jeno is scared.

Jeno is scared of _him_.

Maybe the tangled mess in his brain is making everything seem even worse than it is, providing him adjectives with the sole aim of stabbing his conscience.

But what is he supposed to do?

Each aching second spent sitting at that table matched the sluggish pace bile crawled up his throat.

It started off fine.

One moment he was being himself, laughing unabashed at something Taeyong said, and the next he was trying to digest the sight of Jeno fitting himself in the arms of someone Jaemin’s never seen.

Then the name Doyoung filtered into his ear, and again, he felt somewhat relieved.

He knew of Jeno’s infamous Doyoung hyung.

That one friend of Taeyong hyung, whom Jeno ditched Jaemin for in grade ten.

It was fine, and Jaemin was fine too, pointedly ignoring the elder’s arm around his omega.

Then Jeno had introduced Jaemin to Doyoung, a beautiful smile on his face and joy brightening the pitch of his voice.

“This is Jaemin, my boyfriend!”

_Boyfriend_

The word bit him. Stung him. He didn’t like it.

In fact, Jaemin hated it.

It sounded wrong – _lacking_ , like it wasn’t enough to express what Jeno was to him.

He wanted to pull the syllables out of his ear and tell Jeno to call him something else, something _more_.

Maybe all that shit about _boyfriends_ being a human thing and not a werewolf thing was true.

Or maybe their words finally had him hook line and sinker.

His course mates’ voices from earlier that day torturing him, their taunts a disease, plaguing his thoughts.

_You’ve only claimed him dude, you can’t keep repeating he’s your boyfriend, you know that means shit to us wolves._

_It’s either mates or nothing at all._

_It’s a flaw in the system_ , he had the urge to retaliate, but it was five against one, Jaemin was outnumbered.

So, he’d swallowed the words down, stamping on his temper, bottling it up so he could feel nothing more than a dull itch under his skin.

A monster he’ll humor some other time, not in front of an audience.

This too however, Jeno presenting Jaemin as his boyfriend, he had managed to swallow down, offering what he’d hoped was a friendly smile.

The last thing the sane part of himself wanted, was to leave a terrible impression on someone important to the love of his life.

Doyoung getting comfortable next to Jeno had launched Jaemin into his own head, suspended between watching his omega with the other alpha, and struggling to hold his bitterness from seeping into his scent.

Then, when Jaemin had gained enough control over his thoughts to steer them away from heading into a cloud of green, Jaehyun was asking Doyoung if he found himself a nice omega to settle down with, and that – _that_ _bastard_ had said no and had the audacity to wink at Jeno while Jaemin sat _right_ _next_ to them.

He doesn’t know what or how Jeno responded, because that’s when he’d truly realized just how thin the thread of their relationship was, how easily it could snap under the lightest pressure.

 _Anyone_ at anytime could come between them.

Jaemin didn’t have a concrete place in Jeno’s life as a lover. There were so many gaps and cracks, anyone could fit themselves through.

Hell, he was so insignificant as Jeno’s boyfriend that people would flirt with the omega in his presence, completely disregarding him.

He’d felt worthless right then, the complete extent of it.

And stupid for realizing it seated at a dinner table in a restaurant, with company he’d prefer not to have a mental breakdown in front of.

Jaemin’s anger at himself, at Jeno, at the _other_ _man_ , had silenced everything into white noise, and stacked bricks on his shoulders one by one in time with the second hand’s journey around the clock.

Up until Jeno asked him something, and then made an excuse for Jaemin, and then they were leaving.

He felt pathetic.

He even snapped at Jeno.

He’d never spoken that way to him.

Why was Jaemin being so weak? Allowing anything and everything to affect him.

Why was he being such a wuss?

Did he even have the right to call himself an alpha?

Alphas are confident –especially in themselves. They’re like metal armor, they don’t let insecurities wound them.

So why had Jaemin hollowed himself enough for them to build a toxic home inside him?

And why had Jeno melted in this man’s hands? Why did he gift his sweet smiles to him?

Couldn’t he have spoken up and said something like _please stop, I already have an alpha_.

But, of course, _stupid fuck Jaemin_ why would he even bother? It isn’t like they’re mated.

Jaemin isn’t Jeno’s alpha.

The omega doesn’t have one.

Jaemin’s just a stand in.

Something temporary.

It isn’t Jeno’s fault, Jaemin knows. He has to remind himself.

It isn’t the omegas fault that every other person _wants_ him.

_It isn’t Jeno’s fault._

He digs his nails into the leather of the steering wheel, his right foot pushing the weight of his fury onto the accelerator.

It’s silent enough for him to catch the light _tap tap tap_ from the passenger seat.

It’s irritating, and only increases his agitation.

They need to get home fast.

Jaemin needs his space.

He needs to calm down before the cap twists open and the force of his anger tears them to pieces.

Leaves them battered and bruised.

_Dirty rip out the whole of your soul love_

The elevator up to their floor is stifling. The air is stale, and Jaemin seems an entire lifetime away despite standing two steps away from him.

If the journey to their apartment building was uncomfortable, then Jeno can’t find a word to describe this.

He hasn’t even _looked_ at Jaemin, only had enough courage to stare at the back of his head as the alpha led them inside.

Jeno worries that the things he has feared are blooming right before his eyes. A carnivorous plant that’ll bite him or eat him alive.

He’s scared that this is the start to the phase where Jaemin will begin distancing himself from Jeno.

Which will then follow with either the phase where Jeno unwittingly finds that the alpha is indeed interested in another, or the phase where Jaemin sits him down like the sweet person he is and tells Jeno that it’s best if they stay friends.

He doesn’t want to live through any of them.

Sitting in the car, he has brewed these thoughts long enough for them to now taste cold and bitter on his tongue.

Where he is scared that each mind-made insecurity of his is turning into a reality, he fears more for Jaemin and his well being.

What has the man, he loves _so_ dearly, upset to the point he barely resembles himself?

Everyone has their moments, and Jeno acknowledges that Na Jaemin too has his bad days. Hell, he’s seen them countless times.

The only difference is that Jaemin has never pointed his daggers at Jeno.

 _But it’s okay_ , maybe it’s different this time around because they’re lovers. Maybe these are the ups and downs people talk about –the good and the bad in their vows for eternity.

Of course, they’ve had their arguments; Is black the superior color or pink? Pineapples on pizza or pieces of tandoori chicken?

The point is, these arguments were nothing more than childish bickering.

It isn’t easy to explain when people ask, but Jeno can only think to say that they’re compatible and considerate to one another, through and through.

They’ve always stayed true to their rule of – _this time we’ll do what you want, next time it’s my turn_.

Both him and Jaemin are stubborn in their own ways, but they also don’t like purposely aggravating one another.

So, when Jeno told Jaemin that he doesn’t like hastily folded clothes, he found his laundry neatly done even though Jaemin’s pile right next to his was rolled into odd shapes lacking symmetry.

And when Jaemin expressed his dislike towards Jeno’s habit of leaving dirty dishes in the sink for a few hours before washing them, Jeno tried his best to tend to them as quick as possible.

They aren’t like _this_ –the quiet simmering then blowing up.

They care for one another and try their best to let each other know through the smallest of gestures.

 _Yes_ , Jeno is guilty of hiding a few of his worries from Jaemin. And only because of this shortcoming of his, had the rational part of himself interrupted his lament to propose that perhaps even Jaemin has thoughts that eat him inside out. Thoughts he‘d rather not bother Jeno with, or other plausible reasons that are equal parts Jaemin.

It’s hard for him to even imagine what it could be because the alpha has always shared everything with him, from bad grades to fights with parents.

But Jeno would be damned if he let Jaemin do this to himself.

So, the duration it takes him to follow Jaemin from the elevator into their flat, Jeno builds himself. Reminds himself that being unable to recognize this Jaemin is more reason to approach the alpha and free him from whatever has poisoned his mind.

The last thing he would want for Jaemin is for him to hurt himself.

Once they’re inside their home, returning to the intertwined scent of coffee and honey, and shuffled out of their shoes, Jaemin a few steps out of his reach, Jeno stops him before the alpha can turn towards his room –a place he barely uses.

The thought of Jaemin wanting to create distance between them hammers at the chains he locked his insecurities behind.

He ignores it though. At least Jaemin has stopped -standing still in the middle of their living room with his back to Jeno.

“Jaem –” the syllable gets caught in his throat and he tries again “Jaemin, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” It’s instant and rough, covered with pins and needles.

Jeno shuffles on his feet and dares to take a step closer to his boyfriend.

He’s learning he doesn’t like feeling far away from Jaemin.

“It isn’t _nothing,_ Jaem, are you _okay_?” He tries again, hoping his tone portrays his reluctance to fight and of resolving whatever it is calmly.

“Ha –am I _okay_? I’m doing fine love, just peachy.” Jaemin laughs, selfishly staying turned away from him.

Jeno doesn’t like the sound of it.

It’s mean –condescending, and makes him feel stupid.

“Jaem –” he begins but isn’t allowed to finish because the alpha turns to him abruptly, making him stumble backwards out of surprise, his growl cuts him off “—nothing’s wrong, Jen, nothing, everything’s great! Everything is fucking _great_!”

_Blood red._

Jeno has seen Jaemin’s eyes in shades of warm chocolate, and blazing gold, but never _this_. It’s another thing about him that shakes Jeno to the bone.

But he doesn’t want Jaemin to know that for a few moments Jeno has allowed himself to fear him.

His own eyes hurry their trail over the alpha’s face, from the narrowed slits of his eyes to the rigid edges of his jaw, down to the motion of his shoulders heaving with each heavy exhale.

Jeno, despite every nerve in him – _wired_ into his omega in the face of an aggressive alpha, steps forward. Grants himself just one step closer to the stranger wearing Jaemin’s face. 

“ _Jaemin-ah_ , calm down please, what happened? I know you aren’t tired, this isn’t your scent when you’re tired—” Again he’s interrupted and Jeno feels the first spark of annoyance itch him, but he pushes it down.

It won’t help.

“— _Wow,_ aren’t you just smart? _Always_ the smart one that knows _so_ much, except for the shit _right_ in front of _you_.” It’s all said through a harsh whisper and Jaemin nears him to speak it right into his face, something wicked gleaming within the alpha’s ruddy eyes.

But Jeno doesn’t move, he stubbornly holds his ground, and maintains eye contact with the other male.

He’s torn between feeling hurt and irritated that Jaemin would even think of asserting dominance over him, that he would try to intimidate him with the bitter aftertaste of coffee.

He can feel the omega in him lowering itself, but Jeno isn’t that way.

One of the few things they had promised one another when they first presented was that they’d treat each other as equals.

Jeno doesn’t feel like Jaemin’s equal in that second. He feels lesser.

“What even – _look_ , if you want me to understand, stop beating around the bush and just _say_ _it_.” He grits out.

Jaemin tilts his head, leaning away from him.

“Do you _ever_ notice anything, Jen? Do you _see_ how they look at you? What they _say_ about you?”

Jeno hates how Jaemin’s eyes are accusing and unforgiving, when he doesn’t even know what the alpha is blaming him for.

“What do you mean? _They_ who, Jaemin? _Just say it as it is_.” He pleads, with his voice, with the anguish in his eyes, even his hands twitch to lay them on Jaemin and shake him free of whatever’s possessed him.

Jaemin laughs, all twisted and unsparing.

“You want me to say it as it is?” He asks him but he isn’t looking for an answer, continues after a brief pause where he just stares at Jeno with those red eyes.

Jeno doesn’t like it, how they map him out from head to toe.

He lowers his own gaze to Jaemin’s fists and sees the tanned skin pulled taut over the broad knuckles.

“Jeno I’m fed up, I’m _so_ _fucking_ _fed_ _up_ , every alpha I know or –pass by –looks at you and talks about _you_ and your fucking _face_ and your fucking _body_ , why can’t you wear something that covers you up properly?”

His ears ring with the bullshit Jaemin spits out at him.

Jeno can feel his temper flare up within a second, like Jaemin’s words had been gasoline to a crackling fire.

His brows furrow and he closes his mouth for a second. Then he shuts his eyes to focus on breathing.

He opens his eyes, and his anger hasn’t settled in the slightest.

Jeno stares at the alpha with the force of his resentment, and bites out an unbelieving,

“W _hat_ _the_ _fuck?_ ”

The alpha doesn’t rest one bit, unbothered by the distress Jeno’s blatantly vocalizing.

“I’m talking about your damn sleeveless shirts and those fucking white shorts –”

Now, Jeno keeps him from completing his baseless -stupidity.

“— _that is_ my fucking uniform, you dimwit! I don’t have the choice to wear something else!”

Jaemin lifts his face towards the ceiling, and Jeno watches –vexed, as he runs his fingers through his hair and tugs at them out of frustration, like he’s the one at the receiving end of dumb demands.

Even in the depth of his own anger, his heart tugs painfully at the way Jaemin yells, just a sound of rage. The omega in him and a part of Jeno himself too longs to soothe the alpha.

A thought passes through his mind –maybe Jaemin doesn’t recognize himself too.

“It feels like I’m sharing a piece of meat with a bunch of other wolves!” He lets out in the same agitated manner.

Sharing a piece of meat?

Him, _Na_ _Jaemin,_ the alpha swarming with omegas and betas that it takes proper force and effort for Jeno just to get to him, is the one that feels like he’s sharing a piece of meat.

 _Unbelievable_. Jeno laughs -a short breathy sound, the claim is hilarious and preposterous.

He moves forward towards Jaemin, uncaring that he’s going nose to nose with an alpha.

Right now, he just wants to give Jaemin a piece of his mind.

“ _You_ —” Jeno points his finger at the other “—Na Jaemin, _you_ feel like you’re sharing _me_?”

He pauses just to measure Jaemin’s expression. If it shows even an ounce of compassion or understanding.

Pointless.

“Fuck you, literally _fuck_ _you_ Jaemin, what about all those pathetic omegas and betas you have wrapped around your finger? Is one too less for you?!—” He yells, throat hoarse because Jeno doesn’t know how to scream and shout out of anger “—Why don’t _you_ reconsider your clothing choices too? And while you’re at it, how about stop flirting with everything that has a pulse and act like you’re a fucking claimed alpha!”

The force it takes him to scream makes his head pound, all those insecurities and fears intertwining with the feeling of being wronged by someone he trusted never to do that to him, strangles his lungs and makes every sentence of his a painful heave.

But Jeno can see through his slowly calming rage, now that he’s free of hoarding his deepest worry, that Jaemin has tied a blindfold over whatever part of him gives Jeno importance.

His boyfriend maintains the livid glint in his eyes.

Jeno steels himself in response –the omega side of himself howling longingly, he blinks –ignoring the cry, and clenches his hands into the hem of his shirt.

Now it’s just him and his scared heart knocking against the walls of his ribcage, his mind experiencing turbulence with the sensory overload.

Jeno is aware what he said right now wasn’t the nicest, he hadn’t meant it to hurt. But Jaemin appears to have the thirst to do just that and It scares him.

Jaemin ruthlessly steals the last step between them.

“ _Yeah_ , I should stop? What about _you,_ Jen? How was it today huh—” He smirks at him, teeth sharp, snapping at him like a shark “—With that older, well established alpha? How’d it feel in his arms? Was it nice? Was he better than me? Does it feel nice knowing a shit ton of alphas want you?—”

“— _stop_ —” Jeno tries, cracks forming over his heart with each word Jaemin allows out of his mouth.

“—how does it feel being the wet dream of half the student body? You must like it right? Who am I kidding?” He grins manically “—of course you do, it’s what attention whores _like_ _you_ like.” Jaemin seethes inches away from him and Jeno staggers back, away from him –building a wall between them.

The insult is like a punch when it echoes in his mind, encouraging his feet to take another step back.

“ _Jaem?”_ his voice cracks, eyes rapidly filling with water.

Jeno observes Jaemin –blinking every time tears blur his vision, how in the time it took him to leave his space, the alpha begins to realize what just left his mouth.

It’s apparent in the way Jaemin abruptly falls silent, his shoulders sagging, and head lowered. Jeno can see his hands trembling where they hang loosely by his sides, the way he clenches his jaw and squeezes his eyes shut.

“ _Fuck_.” He curses.

Jeno wants to laugh, yeah _fuck_.

Jaemin looks up at him just as the first of his tears fall.

The alpha’s eyes are warm and desperate, even more so when he catches sight of his tears, helplessly following the trail down his cheeks.

“ _Fuck_ , _no_ –that wasn’t –Jen, I’m sorry, I don’t think that way I fucking swear! I’m sorry, I’m _so_ fucking sorry, I’m just –fuck that wasn’t it, it’s just—” Jaemin is hysterical “—don’t _you_ _see_ how they look at you?” He breathes, taking a step forward towards him.

Jeno steps back, focusing his hurt into a glare.

“ _No,_ you fucking asshole, I don’t! and you know _why?!_ Cause I’m always _only_ looking at you!” He cries, turning away from Jaemin’s mum form. 

He goes to sit on their couch. His legs began feeling like dead weight and before he could fall and look even more pathetic than he probably did, he needed to sit.

Jeno hunches over just as he falls onto the edge of the cushion, his fists curling over the tops of his knees. He doesn’t look at Jaemin, gaze focused on his own lap.

Instead he listens to Jaemin’s frenzied pacing, and then it stops, and moments later he feels himself sit under the shade of the alpha’s body before he kneels at his feet, sitting in front of him.

Jeno ignores him purposely, tucking his chin further into his collarbones.

Jaemin’s breath hits the top of his hair with each of his quick exhales, his scent is everywhere in an instant, encasing him in its familiar bubble. Jeno peeks through his lashes when he senses warmth over the back of his hands.

Jaemin’s palms hesitate to lay their touch over him and the sight tears him apart. But the petty part of himself fills with satisfaction, because Jaemin knows he messed up.

Jaemin knows that he let him down, and now he’s just as lost as Jeno had been.

The roles are reversed to some extent, but if anything, Jeno knows and is aware that whatever Jaemin said was out of anger.

He doesn’t want to be the better person, but he also doesn’t like this alone feeling despite the lack of distance between them. It hurts a bit less when he thinks of it this way. It may also be because the Jaemin he knows would never intentionally hurt him.

He doesn’t wish to drag this out unnecessarily.

Unlike Jaemin, who’s had his fun and taken out his anger, he’ll decide whether he wants to get angry at the insult after he hears an explanation and receives an apology.

So, Jeno doesn’t move.

He also doesn’t allow the alpha a view of his face, knowing it’s what he wants the most right now. However, he lets Jaemin rest his palms over his fists for selfish reasons.

Otherwise, he remains unmoving, battling the strong urge to surge forward and hide himself in the alpha’s arms.

“Jen – _baby_ I’m _so_ fucking sorry, I really didn’t mean it, I _really_ didn’t –” he insists, his clammy palms increasing their force around him “—in fact, you aren’t the attention whore, it’s me –all me babe—” he pauses, Jeno can’t see him but he assumes the other is gathering his thoughts to sound less frantic and more coherent.

“It’s just, Jen –all I ever hear is how, cause we aren’t mated –how I’ve only claimed you, it means nothing, that being boyfriends means nothing cause we’re wolves Jen, I have to sit through so many conversations where all these fucking bastards talk about how they’re going to try and court you—” Jeno hears him curse under his breath, and even though Jaemin sounds like the ache he bears is bigger than himself, Jeno finally sees the root of Jaemin’s distress.

He’s starting to understand, and where a stubborn part of himself still wants to hold a grudge against what Jaemin said, a bigger part of himself is planning to ignore it.

He’s just relieved that Jaemin is actually being honest and verbal about his insecurities. He knows just how prideful Jaemin can be. He wears confidence like a second skin, so he can imagine why he’s never opened up about this.

Instead he’s sat on it, and let it get to this extent. 

Jeno never expressed his distress over the countless omegas and betas because he feared he himself would look pathetic and needy –overbearing.

He wants to stop Jaemin right there, because he realizes just how stupid both of them are, they share the same worries and then play the blame game.

Jeno doesn’t though, not only because Jaemin doesn’t let him because he begins speaking, but also because when Jeno finally looks up with the intention to meet his alpha’s gaze, Jaemin has his head lowered and eyes directed towards their carpet.

Maybe this helps Jaemin with expressing thoughts that probably make him feel weak. So Jeno refrains from coaxing Jaemin to look at him and just listens to him.

“Even today I had to hear the same shit, and then here comes Doyoung –you chose him over me once before, what would stop you from doing it again, I mean, man what do I even hold in front of an established, handsome alpha? I don’t even fucking know anymore, Jen, I didn’t wanna hurt you –I swear but fuck, I’m _so_ scared babe, so fucking scared that one day someone’s gonna come and take you away from me, I can’t—I don’t think I could bear that, baby.” The alpha’s voice wavers, and Jeno’s heart lurches uncomfortably at the defeated sound.

Him and Doyoung? The man that’s like another brother to him? And he can’t believe the extent of Jaemin’s childish mind – _left him for Doyoung hyung once before?_

He’s actually referring to that one time in grade ten, Jeno literally made it up to him the very next day!

His exasperation is equal parts fond as it is disbelieving.

He really fell in love with an idiot.

Jaemin doesn’t move an inch, and knowing him, he probably takes Jeno’s silence as rejection. Even though he very much wants to poke fun at Jaemin for being so butthurt over something two-three years ago, he won’t because Jaemin’s just laid out his heart in front of him, and he doesn’t sound that great either. 

He chews on his lip, pondering over what he should say. The fight has left him completely.

He feels nothing but a dull ache remembering Jaemin’s disposition a few minutes ago, and now most of his pain is for how beaten Jaemin appears –that threatening presence nothing but a fever dream.

Jeno sighs, slowly inching his hand from under the alpha’s, who flinches –abruptly pulling his hands away, mostly receiving his gesture in a negative way. But Jaemin doesn’t move, doesn’t even lift his head.

The alpha plans to stay rooted there till he earns his forgiveness, Jeno understands.

Again, he thinks, he really fell in love with an over dramatic idiot.

He shakes his head, and gently brushes his fingers through Jaemin’s hair, lifting it off his forehead so he can see his face. But Jaemin, now aware that Jeno isn’t pushing him away, lowers himself some more and rests his head against Jeno’s knees, his scent lighter now, less bitter, more sweet –filled with relief.

The alpha still doesn’t want Jeno to see him being what he most likely thinks is _weak._

He feels arms wind around his legs –hugging them to a warm chest with a heart that’s beating much too fast for it to be healthy.

He curls over the alpha, his arms winding around the broad shoulders -kisses the mess of brown hair, and rests his head against Jaemin’s.

Jeno’s lips spread into a smile in what feels like a lifetime.

“Na Jaemin, you stupid stupid _stupid_ fool.”

_I still want your love a whole lot_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a comment if you liked it?? lolol
> 
> as i mentioned earlier, there is a third part!!!! so please look forward to that, it'll be lighter and they will talk about a few things they should assure one another about and yeahhhh that's about it!
> 
> yups i hope it was somewhat emotion-full lolol
> 
> the title and the lyrics in between were from 'real love song' by nothing but thieves 
> 
> oki doki toodles thank you for reading!! and thanks for the comments in the previous chapter!!!

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for spending time to read this!! if you liked it please leave a nice comment!! :)
> 
> the next chapter will be..........eventful?? lolol (nothing too wild though -sort of)


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